Warning Labels
In the ongoing effort to save ourselves from ourselves, the government mandates that labels be placed in areas that are deemed to be dangerous.
For example, cigarettes have warning labels that alert us to the danger of smoking
Labels pointing out the health risks to smoking have proven to be highly effective.
Effective, as long as you disregard the 450,000 smoking related deaths every year.
Apparently, the warning label didn't have an effect on those 450,000 people
Perhaps people who smoke don't really give a shit about their health.
If they did, they wouldn't smoke.
An improved warning label for cigarettes may prove more effective.
For example...
And for the really hard-headed smokers...
Unless you just woke up from a 30 year coma, you probably are aware that smoking is bad for you.
And items that are dangerous deserve to have some sort of warning label attached to them
However, some rather innocuous items have been given warning labels.
Such as....
Milkshakes
I don't care if my milkshake contains peanuts. As long as it doesn't contain peanuts and corn.
Fireplace Logs
Combustible fireplace logs! Stop the madness!
Pool Toys
Let me make this perfectly clear. If I'm drowning, you have my permission to throw this to me.
Curling Irons
I sure wish I had read the label on this curling iron before I shoved it up my ass.
Toilet Plungers
How else are you supposed to keep it clean?
Gerbils
They go in easier if you push them in nose first.
Although these rather harmless items have warning labels, some really dangerous items do not have any labels at all.
For example, there are no surgeon general's warning labels on firearms.
The surgeon general puts warning labels on cigarettes
but not firearms.
I guess the government doesn't want you to kill yourself....
but killing other people is acceptable.
And what would firearm warning labels say anyway.....
or....
or...
or...
I would love to see how that lab test was performed
However, as dangerous as firearms are, there is a far more harmful, insidious, and toxic menace that lurks amongst us.
And this abomination has no government mandated warning labels to alert the unsuspecting public of the threat to their safety and wellbeing.
And this treat is......
The Celebrity
Here are just a few of the warning labels we are proposing:
Denise Richards
Jim Carrey
Perez Hilton
The Video Professor
Britney Spears
Kelly Ripa
Jessica Simpson
Rush Limbaugh
Mickey Rourke
Ladies of The View
It's probably a little late for this, but...
Don't say I didn't warn you.
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