The Celebrity Autopsy


Christmas can viewed from two perspectives






There's the traditional view of Christmas

which is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ





And there's the secular view of Christmas

which is the celebration of the arrival of Santa Claus





The battle between traditional and secular views is known as the culture war






Commentator Bill O'Reilly writes extensively about the culture war in his book...











The time has come to end the culture war once and for all





The time has come to combine the traditional and the secular view of Christmas into one cohesive mythical character




That's right!




It's time for...

Santa Christ



Santa Christ not only died for your sins, he also provides no payments for six months and a low introductory rate of 2.9%





The entire story of Christmas can be rewritten to satisfy the both the traditionalists and the secularists











As the sun set on the desert sands, three wise men dutifully traveled, guided by the North Star












The vastness of the desert made the search difficult, but suddenly a small manger became visible on the horizon.














The three wise men entered the manger, each bearing a gift for the messiah of commerce






















After observing the generosity of the three wise men, and realizing the potential profit that could be gained from establishing an annual tradition of gift giving, Santa Christ built a workshop at the north pole.







He then filled the workshop with elves who could work around the clock building toys for all of the children around the world.







Without compensation, of course.




































Gifts that can't be built by the indentured elves must be purchased from retailers.  Santa Christ can help by promoting these products.  




Companies would love to have the son of God as a spokesperson.








Fast Food Restaurants







Beer Companies











Department Stores













Computer Companies















Car Companies










So Santa Christ loads up his sleigh and delivers toys to all of the children around the world







































Merry Christmas