There is a war being raged in this country.
Almost everyone is this country is a participant in this war
This war is tedious, boring and completely meaningless
This war is...
Versus
If either of the above pictures evoked a negative emotional response
you are a participant in this war.
Let me make this clear enough for the most ignorant of you to understand
If you describe yourself as right-wing, conservative or Republican...
You are a brainless douche bag
and
If you describe yourself as left-wing, liberal or Democrat...
You are a brainless douche bag
If you have any doubt about this, just look at the issues.
Issue #1
The Economy
Most conservatives believe that the government has no role in business or economic matters.
In other words, the free market should be the sole decision maker when it comes to which businesses succeed and which ones fail.
However, the free market brought us these glistening turds
| Enron
Declared bankruptcy in 2001 after systematic accounting fraud was exposed, resulting in the loss of $101 billion and 22,000 jobs |
Arthur
Anderson
Company closed for business after being found guilty of accounting fraud, resulting in the loss of 85,000 jobs |
Lehman Brothers
Became the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history after engaging in unsound loaning practices and naked short selling, which the SEC has deemed illegal. |
| Washington
Mutual
After engaging in irresponsible loaning practices, this bank declared bankruptcy in 2008 resulting in the loss of nearly 30,000 jobs |
Worldcom
Declared bankruptcy after a $11 billion accounting scandal comes to light |
Tyco
Former CEO embezzled tens of millions of dollars from the company |
This list could be a hundred times longer, but you get the point
Thus, if you agree with the conservative view on economic policy...
You are wrong!
Liberals believe that the government should play a role in determining which companies succeed and which ones fail
In other words, the economy can not run effectively without government intervention
Of course, we all know how effective the government is when it comes to running a business
For example...
| Amtrak
Despite receiving $2.6 billion in federal money every year, this company had a net loss in 2008 of $1.13 billion |
Federal National Mortgage Association
Despite receiving $400 billion from the federal government annually, Fannie Mae lost $2 billion in 2007, which was before the 2008 recession |
Pension Benefit
Guaranty Corporation
This federal agency had a combined loss of $32.1 billion in the 2009 fiscal year |
|
Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation
Losses of $50.1 billion in 2008, which will require $400 billion in federal funds to rectify |
U. S.
Postal Service
Despite raising the price of stamps and reducing services, the USPS lost $4.7 billion in 2008 |
Corporation for Public
Broadcasting
PBS reported a $12 million profit in 2008, partly because only 17% of revenue comes from the federal government |
This list could be a hundred times longer, but you get the point
Thus, if you agree with the liberal view on economic policy...
You are wrong!
Issue #2
Abortion
Those who oppose abortion call themselves pro-life
The term "pro-life" is a completely meaningless term
Just check out the conservative check list
If you are pro-life, then you are probably pro-gun, pro-war and pro-execution
So what does that mean?
This is Timmy
Conservatives would not abort Timmy
Why?
So they will have more people to die in wars
And they need more people to commit crimes with firearms...
So they will have more people to execute
So much for the sanctity of life!
Thus, if you identify yourself as pro-life...
You are wrong!
Those who support abortion call themselves pro-choice
The term "pro-choice" is a completely meaningless term
People who are pro-choice claim to support the right to make a choice when it comes to abortion
Since being pro-life is a choice, the pro-choice crowd should include the pro-life crowd
The Pro-choice Challenge
Can you find the pro-life person at this pro-choice rally?
Answer: He's three blocks away shooting an abortion doctor
Thus, the term "pro-choice" is complete bullshit
Another bullshit term is the name of their pro-abortion organization
If you planned your parenthood
you wouldn't need a fucking abortion
Ultimately, the "pro-choice" crowd wants unfettered abortion on demand
This means abortion clinics on every corner
Abortions available in grocery stores
They also want abortion clinics with drive-thru windows
And most important, they not only want abortions available through the third trimester, they want abortions through the third grade
Thus, if you identify yourself as pro-choice...
You are wrong!
Issue #3
Gay Marriage
Conservatives believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman
They claim that a marriage between two gay people would ruin the sanctity of marriage
Anyway, no straight person would actually make a complete mockery of marriage, right?
So much for the sanctity of marriage
Thus, if you oppose gay marriage...
You are wrong!
Liberals believe that gay people should have the right to get married
I wonder how many gay people really want to get married
Anyway, I have a hard time taking the gay community seriously
Let me explain...
This is the 2009 Gay Pride Parade in Miami
This is the day of pride for gay people
This is the day that the gay community demonstrate what they are most proud of
And this is the best they can come up with
If you want people to take you seriously, you should at least hide your ass crack
Maybe lay off the clown make-up
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
I'm sure they are on the way to the alter
Thus, if you support gay marriage...
You are wrong!
If you are still not convinced, look at these brainless reactions to the 2010 earthquake in Haiti
Pat Robertson
Robertson is a conservative evangelical preacher and a hateful, baby devouring disciple of Satan
Robertson said this about the plight of Haiti
So God has cursed Haiti
What is this, the eighth fucking century?
Following this line of reasoning, God must hate America because He has cursed us with Pat Robertson
I would like to bend over and fire projectile diarrhea in Pat Robertson's face
Danny Glover
Glover is a liberal Hollywood actor and a washed-up, America-hating vat of frog shit
Glover said this about the plight of Haiti
So the earthquake in Haiti was caused by global warming
In other words, the increase in carbon emissions is what caused the tectonic plates under the island of Haiti to shift
There is only one tiny problem with this theory...
It's fucking retarded
Liberals think global warming is the cause of every problem known to man
Mainly because the tyrannical leader of the left, Jabba the Gore, has declared it so
Fuck Danny Glover in the ass with a tire iron
In conclusion, America would be a better place if all politicians and celebrities would die
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Please leave your complaints here
Name: Sarahish
E-mail:
Date posted: February 12, 2010 - 08:12 pm
Message: I don't know why I bothered reading that crap
Name: thundakrap69
E-mail:
Date posted: January 29, 2010 - 10:00 am
Message: It look likes Romney is plowing McCain in the ass (top picture). No surprise, Conservatives are a bunch of fags, anyway.
PS did Bill O'Reilly somehow grow an elephant trunk for a dick!?
Name: PalinFucker74
E-mail:
Date posted: January 29, 2010 - 09:48 am
Message: When the elderly white trash in the South finally dies off (and the Republicans can be a modern party again), we might actually see change for the better.
Name: Same
E-mail:
Date posted: January 23, 2010 - 03:49 pm
Message: I would comment aswell, but now I'm molesting Al Fraken for molesting my child for molesting my dog for molesting me.
Name: Al Fraken
E-mail:
Date posted: January 18, 2010 - 11:48 pm
Message: I would comment but I'm busy molesting a child
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