The Celebrity Autopsy





Welcome to

The Celebrity Autopsy Record Club



Simply make your choice, click the download button, and enjoy!



(Yes, these are actual albums)







By Request Only

Featuring these smash hits!

1. By request only

2. Seriously, only by request

3. Would someone please request

4. Daddy fingered me

5. Garage sale clothing

6. Female repellent

7. I sharted in Victoria's Secret

8. Handlebar mustaches are back in style, right?











Two, Too

Featuring these smash hits!

1. What we do in my garage

2. Bacon strips in my leotards

3. I don't know why I can't find a job

4. Elementary school restraining order

5. Chafed scrotum

6. The reason my wife fucked my brother

7. Who needs dignity?

8. I can only fit seven hotdogs in my ass

9. My daughter wants her Halloween costumes back











The Faith Tones

Jesus Use Me

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Jesus use me

2. God whip my ass

3. Messiah fist fuck

4. Penis folding inside-out

5. Hungry for shaft

6. Hideous genetic mutation

7. I nicknamed my twat Death Valley

8. Years of living in the closet

9. When did the wallabies on our heads die?









Freddie Gage

All My Friends Are Dead

Featuring these smash hits!

1. All my friends are dead

2. Wait!  There's one of my friends

3. Shit! He committed suicide

4. Squatting and pissing on graves

5. Where's the shovel?

6. Rotting meat on my junk

7. The ultimate stink-finger

8. ...but the good news is I saved on my car insurance

9. If only my white pants were back from the cleaners










Mike Crain

God's Power

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Breaking three bricks with God's power

2. Breaking four bricks with God's power

3. Breaking five bricks with God's power

4. Fuck!  I broke my hand

5. Destroying shit for Christ

6. I went grumpy

7. Big Jesus fuck-up

8. Popping bubble wrap for Satan

9. Beating Mom in the head with a tire iron







The Cooper Family

I'm God's Child

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Don't let Dad in my bedroom

2. Why I cut myself

3. Mop handles don't go there

4. Dad didn't wear his red shirt and white sweater vest

5. Let's stand in front of the skull in our fireplace

6. Touching your genitals causes leprosy

7. Mom's creeping me the fuck out

8. Anatomy of a serial killer

9. Never talk about the black man in our basement









First Strike

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Makeup and BMX uniforms

2. Mom wants her curling iron back

3. My shit's coming out sideways

4. Stick my dick in the paper shredder

5. What we do after our Arby's shift

6. Our entire budget was spent on mascara

7. Pussy?  What's that?

8. Duct taping my balls to my asshole

9. Let's microwave some vomit









Millie Jackson

Back to the Shit

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Squeeze out another hit

2. Houseflies are fleeing

3. Which smells worse?  My shoe or my panties?

4.Damn you, Taco Bell!

5.We're gonna' need a bigger roll of toilet paper

6. Mom, I'd like you to meet my date

7. The cat just died

8. I left my V.I.Poo at home

9. Feels like tapioca pudding











Paddy Roberts

Songs for Gay Dogs

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Songs for gay dogs

2. Songs for bisexual cats

3. Songs for transgender wildebeests

4. Fido buries the bone

5. Alpo on my nuts

6. I'll eat your kibbles if you lick my bits

7. I wasn't gay until this motherfucker brought me home

8. Songs for celibate parameciums

9. Hurry up and euthanize me













Butch Yelton and Upbound

Swing That Gospel Axe

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Swing that gospel axe

2. Fire that Bible .357 magnum

3. Detonate that God TNT

4. Disemboweling teenagers for Jesus

5. The path to Heaven is denim

6. We share my sister

7. Cannibalizing for Christ

8. Dismembering the homeless for the fuck of it

9. Scratching my balls for Allah











Rulli Rendo

Orquesta y Coros

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Hide the kids.  I'm horny!

2. Yellow in the front.  Brown in the back.

3. Trolling the retirement home for ass

4. Shortening my wiener with a cheese grater

5. I shit in my hands and clap

6. Smells like eggs

7. Yes, that's a Twizzler in my pants

8. My hemorrhoids drag the ground











Featuring these smash hits!

1. How I kept my virginity

2. They call me Mr. Inconspicuous

3. Hiding from my parole officer

4. Guess where my second mask is located

5. Earning cash at the rest area men's room

6. My super-power is processing corn

7. I'll blend in at the playground

8. At least my underwear is orange











Funky As I Want To Be

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Hi Mom

2. Smells like fish and shit

3. The turd wore sunglasses

4. Shaquille O'Neal here for Summer's Eve

5. Ma'am, your clam has rabies

6. Why didn't you shave your asshole?

7. I found a noodle

8. Gynecologist?  No, I'm the janitor

9. On second thought, let's watch Jimmy Fallon









Por Primera Vez

Featuring these smash hits!

1. I'm 18 in dog years

2. Do my shorts enhance my camel toe?

3. Airing out my saddle bag

4. I love you long time

5. Most popular guy at the truck stop

6. Inserting things where they shouldn't go

7. No grass around my tree trunk

8. Meet me when I get off the school bus













Waking and Dreaming

Featuring these smash hits!

1. Just five normal guys hanging out naked

2. Why our dads won't talk to us

3. This explains why no one comes to our concerts

4. That better be your elbow

5. Our band costumes are at the cleaners.  I swear

6. Who farted?

7. We're joining Ryan Seacrest in the hot tub later

8. Prelude to a sword fight

9. Giving gay men second thoughts









The Frivolous Five

Sour Cream and Other Delights

Featuring these smash hits!

1. I'll never eat a baked potato again

2. Horny cum-guzzling sluts

3. Foaming at the lips

4. Steven Tyler makes us bubble in our panties

5. Feminine hygiene disaster

6. Does someone have a spoon I can remove my eyes with

7. It's infected!

8. We still stink like piss






And for those of you who clicked the Download button....


What the fuck is wrong with you?!?




Do you really want "Daddy fingered me" on your phone?